Friday the 13th Jason Vorhees kills
Moving in for the kill

Yes, gorehounds, the time is once again upon us. It’s the annual (semi-annual?) day that allows us to celebrate all things Jason Voorhees. In celebration of Friday, Bloody Friday, I take a look at the 13 greatest kills of Jason Voorhees (and yes, I am including pseudo-Jason Roy Burns in the list).

So, check your refrigerator, put the corkscrew away, and fire up the RV! And remember, “His name was Jason. And today is his birthday.”

13Speargun
Friday the 13th Part III

Although not particularly gruesome, the speargun to the eye of Vera is a great visual (especially in its original 3D format). What makes this one noteworthy is that it is the very first kill performed by Jason in the iconic hockey mask, having just obtained it from practical jokester Shelly. As we all know, it would be far from his last.

12Hacksaw/Head Twist
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

Having just been delivered to the morgue following the events of Part III (spoiler: Jason was “killed” at the end of that film), Jason re-awakens and takes a hacksaw to the fitness obsessed coroner’s neck and then finishes him off with a little twist (but no shout). This one always seemed extra gruesome to me. Oof!

11Belt Tourniquet
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Begining

After a cleanup following a romantic tryst with his girlfriend Tina, Eddie returns to find Tina dead, having been killed by a pair of garden shears to the eyes. Eddie fares no better, as “Jason” applies a belt tourniquet to Eddie’s eyes/head with the assist of a tree. This one is incredibly cruel and vicious.

10Sleeping Bag Roast
Friday the 13th (2009)

In the climax of the excellent pre-title sequence of the 2009 remake, camper Amanda is ripped from her tent by “Sack Head” Jason in her sleeping bag and hung over the campfire to roast. Her boyfriend, Richie, tries to save her, but he gets caught in a well-placed bear trap by Mr. Voorhees and is forced to watch as his girlfriend is turned into a human rotisserie. He doesn’t have to grieve too long, though, as Jason takes him out with a well-placed machete just moments after her death.

9Hot Sauna Rock
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

As if losing a boxing match to champion Julius Gaw (who is also (un)fortunate enough to make this list) wasn’t enough of a bad day for this unnamed boxer, Jason finds him relaxing in a sauna and jams a red hot sauna rock into his abdomen. Talk about indigestion! What an incredibly brutal way to die.

8Bed Kabob
Friday the 13th Part 2

This is just another reminder that premarital sex can only lead directly to death. Young lovers/camp counselors Jeff and Sandra are engaged in some of the forbidden activity when party pooper Jason shows up, finds a conveniently placed spear, and impales the two, now forever linked together by lust. Kids, don’t do drugs and don’t have sex!

7Wheelchair
Friday the 13th Part 2

Poor Mark. He didn’t even get as far as Jeff and Sandra, and he still got offed. Confined to a wheelchair and waiting on the patio of Packanack Lodge for his object of affection, Vickie, to return, Mark gets whacked in the face with a machete by Jason. He then proceeds to roll down a long flight of stairs backwards in the pouring rain.

6Road Flare to Mouth
Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning

While working on their broken down car, Vinnie is approached by a man holding a road flare who he incorrectly assumes to be his buddy Pete. It turns out to be a fatal mistake, as fake Jason, aka Roy Burns, jams the flare directly into his mouth. No amount of Tums are gonna cure this heartburn!

5Boxing Match
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

Over the course of the Friday franchise, attempts have been made to kill Jason with machetes, axes, hanging, fire, drowning, even toxic waste. None of those worked, at least not permanently, but amateur boxing champ Julius Gaw thought he might be able to use his skills to box Jason to death. After exhausting himself with a series of haymakers to Jason’s mask (seriously, how does a boxing champ get exhausted after a minute of punches?), Jason retaliates with a single punch, which decapitates Julius. I’d call that a definitive KO.

4RV Face Smash
Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

While on their way back to camp in an RV following some naughty activity, Jason (who has managed to sneak on board) pulls teen Nikki into the bathroom and shoves her face-first into the mirror, causing her face to make an impression in the RV wall. The original selfie! This sequence, which ends with Jason standing tall on top of the burning, overturned vehicle, has always been my favorite of the series (as well as my fave Friday the 13th film).

3Sleeping Bag Smash
Friday the 13th Part VII: A New Blood

Perhaps the most famous kill in the whole franchise, Jason (portrayed here for the first time by Kane Hodder) destroys another hapless camper by dragging her out of her tent in her sleeping bag and then swinging the bag into a tree. However, according to the phenomenal book Crystal Lake Memories, this kill was originally even more brutal, as Jason smashed the camper into the tree multiple times (instead of just once). Unfortunately, the MPAA got involved and had the scene cut down to a single whack. Still, Hodder recalled that at the film’s premiere “the whole fucking theater stood up, cheered, high-fiving each other.” And with good reason. This kill was so popular, it would be revisited in 2001’s Jason X.

2Corkscrew/Meat Cleaver Combo
Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter

This one comes in at #2 due to the vicious corkscrew through lovable loser Jimmy Mortimer’s hand (he DID ask “Where the hell is the corkscrew?”), pinning him to the counter, followed by a brutal meat cleaver chop to his face. If that wasn’t enough, though, the person portraying Jimmy is quirky character actor Crispin Glover, a year before he would star as Marty McFly’s dad, George McFly. I guess he just loved playing lovable losers who get picked on.

1Frozen Face Smash
Jason X

The coolest kill in the Friday the 13th franchise (see what I did there!) came 21 years after the original, in the tenth entry in the franchise, 2001’s Jason X. Upon awakening aboard the Grendel spaceship following a lengthy cryostasis period, Jason attacks medical intern Adrienne. He forces her head into a vat of liquid nitrogen, instantly freezing her face, which he then proceeds to smash into pieces on a countertop. It’s not just one of the best kills in the Friday series, but in all of horror. Jason proves that after 21 years, he’s still got it!

 

Honorable Mention 1: So, this kill from Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning did not involve Jason (or, fake Jason) at all. But damn if it isn’t brutal (and a little uncalled for) nonetheless. Poor Joey was simply trying to share his candy bar with hot-tempered Vic (Mark Venturini, who also portrayed the character Suicide in Return of the Living Dead), and for this act of generosity, he gets an axe buried into his back (again and again). This hack job is the catalyst for the rest of the film’s (controversial) events.

 


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