We all wanted to appear on a bonkers game show growing up, right? Whether it was the chance to appear on TV, or the appeal of the ridiculous prizes, there was something about these types of game show that had a much broader appeal than the straight-laced alternatives running in syndication like Family Fortunes or Jeopardy.
Unsurprisingly Britain had more than its fair share of these insane shows. Here’s 6 of our favourite British game shows.
But first an honourable mention …
Fun House (STV, 1989)
Fun House deserves a mention for no other reason than host Pat Sharpe’s hair. Behold that mighty mullet!
Fort Boyard (Adventure Line/Grundy Productions, 1990)
Originally airing in France in 1990, Fort Boyard forced its way into the British consciousness back in 1998 on Channel 5. The show, which was set in the real-life fortress of the same name, had a simplistic format. A team of yuppies in ill-fitting spandex unitards ran around the titular location, solving puzzles in an attempt to avoid capture by a group of evil dwarves.
Former soap opera star, and serial internet masturbator, Leslie Grantham appeared as the evil Master of the Fort, while ex nude model Melinda Messanger was the do gooder host. She was a terrible actress but man did we love to watch her running … and running … and running … and ….
Incredible Games (BBC, 1994)
If you thought Dredd and The Raid were the coolest things on television set in tower blocks, then you obviously haven’t seen the BBC’s short lived kid’s games show Incredible Games.
Unlike many kid’s game shows at the time Incredible Games was actually pretty inventive and offered a nice substitute to answering questions and running around soft play areas which was the popular format of the time. Instead the lucky pre-teens entered a lift – voiced by David Walliams – and were dropped off on various floors on which insane challenges faced them. One such challenge involved dumping the children in a huge bowl of cereals and milk, and making them swim around looking for letters to spell out a key word. If they were successful they would then go on to face the dreaded Dark Knight (not that one) in a game of human chess.
Simon Shelton, who played the Dark Knight, later became Tinky Winky in Teletubbies, which was way more fucked up than this show.
GamesMaster (Hewland International, 1992)
Prior to 1992 Patrick Moore was known as the eccentric, monocle wearing, glockenspiel playing, host of The Sky at Night, in which he stared through a telescope a lot and waffled on about stars. The choice to cast him as a giant, video game loving head in Channel 4’s long running GamesMaster, in which gamers challenged one another to set high scores, came out of nowhere but there’s no denying it was an inspired choice, even if he did resemble a posh version of Kraang.
Knightmare (Anglia, 1987)
Knightmare involved a team of 3 children – many of whom would never have a girlfriend – using their wits and book smarts to help a 4th child traverse a virtual reality dungeon, overcoming challenges and riddles along the way.
To make things more interesting, the child who actually entered the dungeon would have to wear a giant horned helmet that blinded them from their surroundings. The other nerds, I mean kids, then had to guide them from room to room shouting commands like “Take 3 paces left”, “Pick up the apple” and “Get a life”.
In truth though Knightmare was awesome. It used a ground breaking form of blue screen chroma key, previously only seen in weather forecasts, to create terrifying flying skulls and walls that wanted to eat your soul. Oh, and if the kids gave bad directions to their friend they could plummet off the edge of a cliff into the fires of Hell. Kids these days don’t know what they’re missing!
Bullseye (ATV, 1981)
If your idea of fun is watching bearded women called Barry throwing darts for prizes – which included, but was not limited to, your bus fare home – then Bullseye is for you.
Crystal Maze (Chatsworth Television, 1990)
Crystal Maze is British game show royalty. Often imitated (Fort Boyard we’re looking at you) but never quite duplicated, the show again starred a bunch of middle class British office workers who would work their way through countless challenges across various different worlds, collecting crystals that could be traded for minutes in the final challenge (see video below)
Each trial was timed and if the contestant ran out of time they were locked away to rot while their teammates moved on without them. It was fast paced, fun and encouraged families all over the UK to sit and scream at their TV’s, frustrated at the contestant’s inability to solve a simple puzzle.
The Rocky Horror Picture Show’s Richard O’Brien hosted for the first 3 years but left after growing concerns he would be typecast. He was replaced in 1994 during series 5 by pseudo-punk musician Ed Tudor-Pole. To his credit Tudor-Pole tried his best recreate the O’Brien magic, hamming it up on screen, but the show was never the same and disappeared from screens in 1995.
