Andy Sidaris was a maverick filmmaker, a do-it-yourself kind of guy, and in 1985 he would carve out his own niche with the Triple B’s (Bullets, Bombs, and Babes, or Boobs, if you prefer). Over the course of thirteen years, he would write, direct, or produce (sometimes all the above) twelve films in the series which began with Malibu Express in ’85 and came to an end with Return to Savage Beach in 1998. As a teenager in the ’80s with cable television, these films were a late night staple and most teenage boys (like myself) will never forget discovering them. At that particular age, most of what I remembered about these films was the unending parade of female flesh. My teenage mind never really processed the fact there was more to them than that. The entire series has been available on DVD for many years in various collections, but it wasn’t until April of this year that Mill Creek Entertainment released the first two in the series to Blu-Ray and WOW, they’re fantastic presentations.
Malibu Express follows Cody Abilene (Darby Hinton), a private investigator who is hired by a top secret government agency to investigate a group of millionaires who may be selling computer technology to the Russians. What he finds out goes much deeper than that and he soon finds himself investigating a murder within that same circle. With all the lies, death, and the espionage, Cody still finds time to take care of the ladies. It’s a wild and crazy ride that takes off with the first frame and never slows down, not even for a moment. It’s chock full of potty humor, much of it is dated, but there are a few ongoing gags that remain pretty funny. One such joke occurs several times throughout and involves Cody’s ability to miss absolutely everything he aims at. Don’t quote me on this, but Malibu Express may have been the only film to not carry over any characters into the next film. It’s a shame since Cody Abilene was a fun character, but this one adventure with him will have to suffice. Cult film fans will also enjoy the inclusion of the alluring and stunning Ms. Sybil Danning, stealing scenes and hearts as expected.
Mill Creek put together an amazing disc that includes a classic introduction from Andy Sidaris, a commentary track, trailers, and a behind-the-scenes featurette. As cool as these features may be, it’s the 4K widescreen restoration that really stands out. It’s literally so good it feels as if you’re seeing it for the very first time all over again.
The second film in the series (and arguably the best) arrived in 1987. Hard Ticket to Hawaii follows a similar formula but transplants the action to…can you guess? If you said Hawaii, then you were absolutely right. This film introduces an entirely new cast and features Ron Moss as Rowdy, the cousin (?) of Cody Abilene. According to the film’s dialogue, Cody left the agency for a life in the movies and making way for Donna (Dona Spier) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) to be the new agents of focus. They’re stationed on Molokai when they stumble upon some stolen diamonds. Crime boss Seth Romero (Rodrigo Obregon) isn’t too happy about losing the diamonds and sends his men in to retrieve them, only to start a war on the island between him and dueling government agencies. If that isn’t enough, an extremely large snake contaminated with a deadly toxin by cancer infested rats is on the loose and the entire island is in danger. That’s seriously the plot and it’s bloody brilliant.
While the amount of nudity is still abundant, it doesn’t quite cross the soft-core line like Malibu Express almost managed to do. The greatest thing about Hard Ticket is the insane and ridiculous action. A hitman on a skateboard with a machine gun and a blow-up doll, the Frisbee with razor blades, and a bazooka tend to offer up unparalleled moments of insanity that can never be rivaled. The dialogue is ridiculous but it’s just so much fun, you buy into it all. The special features on this disc mirror that of the previous film, including the 4K widescreen restoration so yes, the film looks brilliant on the disc.
Something I don’t hear enough about in regards to these films are the soundtracks. Henry Strzelecki did the score for Malibu Express with select tracks from Tommy O. Jones and Bucky Barrett. Hard Ticket to Hawaii features music from Gary Stockdale, Kevin Klingler, and several others. These songs are so blissfully silly, they immediately put a smile on your face while still being infectious enough to cloud your mind, silently singing it in your head for days. Mill Creek went all out for these releases, so maybe they should take it to the next step and put out a soundtrack. That would be so amazing to own, and fans around the world would freak out. If they don’t have the manpower to devote to something like that then call me, this needs to happen.
Regardless, they’ve done Andy Sidaris proud (he sadly passed away in 2007) and I’ll be anxiously awaiting to continue on to the next two films they’ve announced for July, Picasso Trigger and Savage Beach. Until then, enjoy these releases and let yourself get lost in the blissful absurdity.
Malibu Express trailer:
Hard Ticket to Hawaii trailer:
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